New doctor, new plan!


I had a new doctor appointment today.

I took in  all my power ups.

power ups


You know how it is.


Sometimes when you see a new provider, you have to steel yourself. You have to be ready to fight for what you want. You have to be ready for the constant barrage of “your weight is the issue” and “have you tried dieting” and “well this problem is really just a weight problem”.

Sometimes, especially when I am not feeling very strong, I can get sucked in to it. The negativity just overwhelms me and I sob and cry and sniffle and they gain all the power and I am unable to fight for myself. Occasionally you can run into some fabulous people who don’t care about the weight (I am going to write a post about my Santa Fe experience soon, I can’t just yet) and you know that you are part of a council and it works OK. RARELY (in my personal experience at least) you run into a provider so exceptional that you feel like you are on a TEAM. You know that things are going to work well because there’s immediate rapport!



That’s how I felt today




First, the office staff. When I called (back in MAY!!) they were so booked up that I couldn’t get an appointment until March of 2019. They did offer me the waitlist, and I jumped right on that. I got a message last week that an appointment opened up and I could take it so I did. When I came in the office I felt like a person. No side looks, no sneers, just smiles and love! They gave me the paperwork to fill out (goodness… the intake paperwork), but they were ready for me quickly enough that I ended up finishing the paperwork as I talked to the nurses.


Monica walked into the room and immediately I felt calm and respected and she emanated such a powerful radiant energy that I felt instantly at peace.

With ALL of the various physicians I have seen throughout my 41 years on this earth, I HAVE NEVER HAD THAT EXPERIENCE. Not once. Never.

We talked. I had decided before I went in, that my issues were primarily in two clusters. First, the chronic fatigue and pain that are crippling. Secondly, the endocrine issues including diabetes and thyroid. She listened actively, asking questions about symptoms that so many providers had skimmed over when I tried to explain them.

I came out of there with a PLAN OF ATTACK. We are going to run some bloodwork to look for vitamin/mineral deficiencies. I got a cheek swab test that checks your DNA to find out which antidepressants and such are good for you. I have a stool test I am supposed to send off (I need to pay upfront for it and I don’t have the money right now) and I will when I can. Started Victoza to help with the blood sugar control. THIS was the only time weight was mentioned. When we were talking about blood sugars, I had mentioned that my sugar was WELL CONTROLLED when I was able to be more active and whatnot. Her reply, “I had a similar patient, she was doing well then had an injury then started the Victoza. Within a couple months she had lost 20#, it was amazing for her. What do you think?” There was no weight loss pressure.

I really want to repeat here that I felt absolutely no pressure to eat less or work out more or change myself in any way. Everything she offered was a suggestion as a way to help me feel better and control my symptoms so I can get back to a healthier more physical me. When I said offhandedly, that my goals were more fitness oriented than weight oriented she said good!

We have a referral to a sleep center. And a promise to follow up if Cigna gets stupid again. She said it’s possible that I am on the narcoleptic spectrom. She has seen it. I am going to get an ultrasound of my thyroid to make sure what’s going on there. So many referrals. So many tests.



I was so excited coming out of there and I see this woman is sitting in a chair cross legged and she’s directly across from me and burst “OH MY GAWD your quads are AMAZING” and she was just like OH well thank you and then I had to turn and talk to the check out lady

The ladies in the waiting room are like Well!! and the Quad Lady said to waiting room ladies “well I was going to change these shorts before I went to (??) but I don’t think I will!!”

And as I was leaving I was like “so do you run? you look like you do” and we chatted a bit before I left…


Speaking with my son afterward and he was complaining about something and I replied, “I would prefer to have a solution oriented mindset rather than a complaint oriented one.” I think that pretty much sums up the vibe that I got from the office.


Also, I need to share my response to one section of the paperwork. It’s complicated, my relationship with food.


Thinking about self

(there is no formatting on this because I wore it on my phone)
So ever since “Inside Out” came out, I’ve had this concept of SELF that is super similar. My mind has a table with the basic emotions with a couple tweaks. Instead of Joy, Fear, Anger, Disgust, and Sadness; my mind table has some body parts and some other emotions.
Muscle has a seat, because OBVIOUSLY, I need to pay attention to how he’s feeling. Bones/joints gets a spot too, because sometimes she’s not the strongest and able to do all the things. The Lung twins R and L have a spot, because without their participation no activity is possible!!
Generally those body parts sit at the table with Brain. And I’ve just considered her to be one person. Recently I’ve discovered that she’s not just one voice. Well, I’ve considered her to be Lizard Brain and Spock Brain. Sometimes she’s High School Jenn and Now Jenn. I’ve been thinking a lot about things in terms of Lizard brain and Spock brain.
 I’ve had a voice from Depression as long as I can remember. She’s usually just low key piping up like the emo kid in high school who answers one question a class, but you always that they’re there because they eminated this tremendous aura.
In order to streamline my thinking about the process, Lizard Brain is now Lizzie. I don’t have a new name for Spock Brain, but I’m open to suggestions.
I’ve realized though that there’s other “people” who sometimes sit at the table. Lately Anxiety has had a very loud and persistent voice, I think giving her a seat at the table will give her a way to be hard but not overwhelming. I feel that the reason she’s so loud and brash is that she has to be to be listened to!
And today, I was thinking about my body. I’m a very visual person (as if you can’t tell from the rest of this post) and today I was picturing the table that they sit at and basically trying to envision the surrounding area. I may refine this picture at a later date, but today I pictured some sort of spaceship.
And I’m thinking about how my body keeps trying to kill me. But the ship is only doing what it’s been programmed to do. The engineer only followed the blueprints. The ship isn’t trying to kill anyone!! It’s just following the programming!!!
That was a giant thought. My body ISN’T an assassin. I just have to figure out the program, and the best way to work within it to get to the place I want to be. I’m seeing a new doctor Monday, a integrative health specialist. I’m hoping that she’s got some ideas about ways that we can work with this program to get this ship going!!